bernie_lovez_u's Journal

12:43am: FUN!!!!!
First off. My life is going kinda well. We moved out of my sister's ( hell hole). That's one good thing. Second thing, we looked at an apartment. I really like it. And I really think we are going to get it.

I had alot of fun this weekend. I chilled with the friends I love.. Holly Sammie Greg Gina Anthony Rob. We drank all weekend. I love these people so much. Like you dont even understand. They are my heart.

But the three people I love the most is Sammie Holly and my sister Gina. I really dont know where I would be without them. They complete me. I have so much fun when I am around them and I love that feeling.

I can't wait untill the St. Patty's day party. It is going to be awsome! Thats another drunken weekend. My birthday is next month. I'm going to be 18. That's ANOTHER drunken weekend. OK well I'm tired so BYe!!!!. x0x0x0x0

11:56pm: Jump!!!!
Just fucking jump!!!!! Stop looking at me!!!! Get out of my closet!! I'm gonna rape you!!! Get down!!!! Get outside Pussy!!!!!! I'm gonna end you!!! Just fucking jump!!!!!!

1:52am: I hate you
Frist off, We broke up June 26 2005. Ever since June 26 2005 we still been fucking around. We never stopped. And these is what I mean when I say fuckin wit my head. YOU. All you do is play games! And I cant take it nomore. What you did to me really hurt me alot. Everything was all cool.. What happen in the 2 days period. We were all talking about gettin back together and we love eachother and we wonna get back together and u say "what if I told you we were never gettin back together and we couldnt be with eachother anymore.. would you still talk to me?". Where the fuck did that come from? Come on now. Just tell me. And that I ask you if thats ur plane and u tell me u dont have a plane?????? How fucked up can one person be? And yes I admit I fucked up becuz I broke up with you. But incase you havent noticed I'm trying to fix what I broke. You were too. The only people we were being with was eachother. Now tell me something!?!? Yea I wrote you a letter after we broke up saying I couldnt talk to you nomore and I wanted nuttin to do with you but that was only becuz I coudlnt just be friends with you. And I told you that. I knew I should of listened to my sister. When she told me you were nuttin but drama. And that you would never change. She was right. And after all me and my family did for you? Took you in when you ran away. And helping you? Come on now. And then tomorrow when and if I call you ur gonna ack like nuttin even happen. But what you dont know is I CRIED in Holly and Sammie's arm's after you left. But I'm sorry you dont care about any of that. All you care about is ur self. Your always asking me why I dont believe you when you tell me you love me? HMMMMMM wonder why? Cuz you do me dirty. And you said it's not trust it's more like hurt? You have balls! You don't even know how many times you hurt me. And Sammie's telling me I dont need you and forget about you. I said " I cant I need her". NOooo like I said b4 I realized I dont NEED anyone. Not even you. Yes I do love you and I will always have love for you but I'm cool. You hurt me so bad and all you did was leave. You dont care that I was crying. I dont cry over anyone. Untill tonight when I cried over someone who I thought loved me and was trying to start over just like me. But no. All thsi just happened in the matter of 1 day. Your always kissin up on me and tellin me all kinds of shit. And I cant believe I believed you! What was I thinking? And you wonder why I have trust issues!?! You know now? Becuz alot of ppl fucked me over like you did. And guess what? I aint letting that shit happen anymore. I'm too good of a person to let people do that shit to me. I have everyone I need and love. My family and my friends. You need to get over being scared and realize what you just LOST.

4:31pm: Fuk all
I wonna be normal again. I don't wonna have to worry about everything. Before I didnt care, I didnt care about anything. I wonna go back to them days. But I dont think it's gonna happen. And another thing.. for those who dont know me.. I dnt need anyone!! I dont need a manI dont need a girl, I dont need a realtionship. Believe me if I wanted to be in a realtionship with someone I will be. It's my choice. Everything I do now is my chice. I might make some wrong choices but imma teenager it's normal. All you's pretty ass goody two shoes get on my nerves. They all think shit's sweet. They dont know nuttin bout having a bad life. I'm not sayin I have a bad life but it can be better. Anyone feel me? If not o well.... Fuk off. I'm not tryna be a bitch but thats how I feel and aint nuttin gonna change me or the way I am. O yea and another thing. NOONE can change me. And noone will ever change me. I'm me. if you dont like me the way I am. Fuck you. I got all the people that love me. And that's all I need. I'm out. 0x0x0x0

2:50pm: - CRAZY -
I had to go to therapy lastnight. After that Sammie called me and told me she was gonna meet me at wawa. So I met up with her at wawa. krissy and Angie were there. I didnt say hi she got all bitter. Then we came to my brother's house and got movies. We went back to Holli's and watched half of it becuz we had to take her mom to work. So we took he mom to work, we got dinner. There was this really cute gay guy there. I asked Marietta how old he was and she said 50! I went crazy. I think shes lieing theres no way he's 50. He's to cute to be 50. I'm not crazy he looks like hes about 20-25. Shits crazy. So we wnt back to Holli's house finshed watching the movie. Sammie nd Ant walked to CVS nd got Holli hair dye becuz she had a hair dye removeal kit and he needed to die her hair right after. Her hair looks really cute.. It's like a redish brown color.. It looks really nice. Well imma go.x0x0x0x

12:48am: I love my girlies
We just been chillin at Holli's everyday. Me and Holli were talking and were gonna have the 3 birthday partys on my birthday which april 15th. Gina's is March 27 and Holli's is April 17, so it works out pretty good. Were gonna get a real nice picture and put it on the cake wit our names under it.


My weekend was fun... Friday all of us hung out chilled chilled and drank like every weekend. Today me Sammie and Holli hung out. It's been me sammie nd holli for the past 3 weeks. I love them both so much.That's basically what we been doing.I'm out..x0x0x0

2:40am: New years!
I been having alot of fun. I been over Holli's drinking. Everyone was there on new years day, and me Sammie, Holli, her brother and his friend were drinkin new years day. Honestly I had more fun on new years day then new years eve. Even tho I was hammered both dayz.

Yesterday we were just over Holli's house chillin. As normal..NO DRINKING..lol


Today me and Sammie went to her aunts house to babysit. She said she would be home be like 11.. She didnt come home untill 1. I was mad. But o well. Alright I'm gonna go..x0x0x0

12:45am: finally I'm having fun!
The couple days where just basically the days before christmas. I rapped gift's on christmas eve.

My christmas was awsome. Other then that I been having alot of fun lately. I been over Holli's the past couple's days just chillin, drinking. I went shoppin today. I didn't get nething I was getting angry becuz there was people every where! And those who know me know I don't like people! I'm done for now. x0x0x0x

5:32pm: Another day!
Today is just another day. I'm sittin here at my brother's house with my nephew's.I still have to get them a Christmas gift.I think I will do that tonight. But life is still the same.I went to the doctor's today.I am really sick...I cant stop sneezing. (thanks kris)ya gotta do what ya gotta do..lol.I'm waiting for Sammie to get back to me imma see what shes doing tonight.New years eve is getting closer and closer. I cant wait!Alright well thats enough for now.-x0x0x0x0-

1:37am: It's been soooo l0ng...I don't even know where to begin..Even tho my life aint all that interesting.LOL. Welllll....Nuttin really new with me I'm gonna try to back track from the last time I wrote.I really just been chillin as usual. I really havent talked to ALL of my friends in a long time.The only person I talk to everyday is Sammie Holli Gina Chrissy nd sometimes megan.I miss everyone :( ... I guess I'll be iight untill I move..We are looking at alot of houses and found a couple but my mom and dad have to talk alot about it.They don't just wonna jump into somewhere.Ya know? There talking about moving to North Carolina!!! HAHA not me...I'm sorry, I don't wonna sound ungreatful but I'm staying in Philly forever..And I will miss everyone..My friends are my life.I miss my puppy.I was over Holli's last weekend and me and Sammie left at like 1:30 am, and we were hungry so we were tryna find a place to eat.I said the Aramingo Diner..So she's like it's gonna be packed it's saterday night and the bars are closing.So we go and we can't find any place to park to were bout to leave and all these people walk infront of her car and start rumbling!!!! So she backs up and we go over in K-mart parking lot and watch.So theres like 20 cops there at this time and the cops are tryna break it up but nooo...The cops are now getting beat up..This was going on for about 15 mins.Shit was crazy.Then we went to Sammies house and someone was screaming "YO" tapping on the window and shit.. LOL..She was shitting her self..She stopming her feet thinking she's all hott shit.. Now if you don't know Sammie you wont think that it's funny but those of you who do were dying!!! So I tell her I'm going out to see who it is and she's like noo Bern don't go out there..So I open the door and she's hiding behind the wall.Shes like Bern there behind the van.I'm like no there not,you asshole! LMAO it was so0o0o0 funny. So I look outside and noone is out there.So some dude comes out from next door and I ask him if he was knocking..He says no But I know he was because I was over there a couple dayz later and he knocked for Sammie sister.. And it was the same exact knock!!!!! lol..Well I told you my life wasent really interesting.. I went to Holli's today after dinner..Chilled there untill Gina got home from work and went to the Aramingo Diner. Then I came home and now I'm here.Hopfully I'll be back tomorrow with more interesting shit.-x0x0x0x0x-

3:52pm: !! WHATTT !! roadtrip
My weekend was really interesting..Friday night we all went to the movies to see Harry Potter..It was really good and I really dont like harry potter..Then Sammie called me talkin bout lets go to Allentown and get Timmy..so im like alright whatever..So by this time it was bout 12..And if we went to Allentown we wouldnt get home untill bout 4 am..So we didnt go.The only thing we did is went to Trishs and got directions.So I slept over Sammies and we left 9 am the next morning.So we went to Allentown and got Timmy..it took us like 2 hours to get there..we didnt get lost tho..lol..so we get him or whatever and i come home and i go over micki's ..I went with her to get her nails done.I got my eyes brows waxed for the first time.I useally do em my self ..So I just stay at mickis every came over and we just chilled..(me micki holli gina greg angie krissy) and Gary came over and all this shit was goin down with the chick he was TRYIN to be with so we asked him to leave..so were just chillin or what and everyone left but me angie krissy and holly..meanwhile nevermind im not gonna go there..but we walk holly home and i went to angies and smoked and them i came home..Alot of stuff happend inbetween us walkin holly and me goin home but I'm not gonna talk about it..i really didnt drink alot but i still had alot of fun..every once ina while we will have a PARTY..but anyother weekend it's just friends chillin..and noone seems to understand that it's just us chillin..Holly or gina readin this they will understand what I mean by that..alright im out..X0X0X0X0

11:04pm: -InTeReStInG-
Yesterday Shannon found out she was pregnant!! Even tho I been telling her her for about 2 weeks that I think she's pregnant..So last night they go and get a thingy..And YEA I was right...Anyway I'm happy! Congrats to my brother and her!..

I guess today was ALRIGHT..I woke up about 11..Sammie called me I went out with her...I came home for a little bit and then we went to my brother's..Then I came home and Krissy called me and she came around wit her sister for a little bit..She asked me if I wanted to come around her house and chill for a little bit...I kinda felt bad sayin No..But I did...And then after she left I was real upset for some reason..Then Gina Dez and Holly came and got me and we went to Dez's so she could get something for school..Then I was even more upset when I came home and I really felt like crying..So the frist person that popped in my head to call was Krissy..I DUNNO WHY...So I called her and she came around...We chilled for awhile...We talked for a long time...It kinda felt like something I been waiting for?? I kinda confused me.I miss talking to her like that...But the only reason I miss it is becuz when we talked like that we were together..I dunno..She confuses me..She "says" she don't wonNA be with me but when ever were out we hook up..Like i like hokkin up with her or whtever but It confuses me...Right?...And I know she wants to be with me and I know I wonna be with her but I thinks it's a big NO NO...O well...I will always love her and she knows..And she will always love me..Iight well I'm high and tired and my fingers are hurting...So XoXoXoXo <333

8:54am: I guess today was alot better..I was out most of the day..That might be part of the reason..I'm at Holli's now drinking..Not drunk yet but im feeling good..Tomorrow me my dad and my sister got a date..LOL.. Were going to the movies to see Jarhead. Were all chillin at Holli's ....Me Holli Micki Sammie Greg Gina Dez... More ppl is suppose to be comming over but i dunno.. Today is krissy's 18th b-day and she called me and told me she dont have ne planes..I kinda feel bad becuz I think she was waitin for me to ask her to come over..But she's been sayin like all year "I'm out on my b-day and going out and having fun" but now she aint doin nuttin..? Should I feel bad? No, I shouldnt I'm having fun. iight well im out.XoXoXo

9:21pm: Boring,Tired,and lonely
Today..I woke up real early took my nephew's to school..Went to poppies and did laundry from 8 am untill 3 pm...I hate having to go threw like doing thing's day by day..I mean my friend Jorge called me today and he asked me what I was doing this weekend becuz he wanted to chill with me and I feel bad becuz I told him I didnt know what I was doing things for me is day by day.I just got home from pizza hut..The fuckin pizza took an hour..so we didnt even pay for it we left without it.LOL.I guess it was pretty funny..My sister called me (gina) and asked me if i wanted to go to the mall but I aint got no money and I didnt get a shower.I mean i woulda went but I HATE going shopping with no money.Becuz when someone buys something, I wonna buy something too..And my friends are cool they will buy me something if I want it but I hate that.I cant get something knowing I'm not buying it.Anyone feel me? O well if you dont! Tomorrow's my ex girls 18th b-day..She's been waiting for this since before we broke up...I feel bad not caring about her b-day but I really don't.She can do her and I'll do me...She changed a whole lot since we broke up..but u know what i dont care bout that lil shit anymore..iight well I'll write more..XoXoXo

9:32pm: I guess today was better than the last 2 dayz..I'm back home..My sister called me and told me she missed me and loved me and when was I gonna be home.Even tho I was commin home tonight anyway.My family always since I remember drama.Well I guess all family's have drama but we have tooo much drama.All I want is for my family (me gina mommy and daddy) to live in a house together again.That's the only thing I wont.I can say one thing, I will miss my nephew's alot.It's like my family will be cool for about a year or so and then a problem will come up and we will be stuck again.Hopfully when we get the house were getting we will be there forever.That's what my parent's are planning anyway.But with our luck you never know.It's like all my friend's and most of the people I know have a good life and have what they need plus more.Don't get me wrong we have what we need but it's nice to have a little bit more than what we need.I know what's it's like to not have what I WONT, and I'm cool with that..I'm just wondering how much more that's gonna last.Does anybody feel me?And I hate people who have everything in the world plus more and they say o yea i know what you mean.Cuz really? No you really don't.Do you know what's it's like not to have a permanent house to live in.And what it's like to not have money when you need something.Or raise 4 kids with 1 income.And for me and my sister, Do you know what's it's like to have 2 sick parent's.And have to take care of them.Don't get me wrong I have no problem taken care of them ..Becuz they took care of me for almost 18 years but after a while it's not easy anymore.This is just not even half of how bad my life sucks.The only reason I'm here is for my family and friends.I hope you's spoiled bitches learn how it feels someday.XoXoXOXO

11:51pm: Heres another one for today!
I can't get over how fun last night was.There were so many different costums.They all looked real good too.Every one was so drunk,and everyone was doin some crazy shit...everyone was getting along with everyone and it was so cool cuz everyone was awsome.EVERYONE got either there ass' or titties signed..LMAO it was pretty funny.I did something i really shouldnt have done..But you know what i dont care anymore...It made jen mad at me but honestly? I dont care becuz were not together.I meet alot of cool ass ppl last night..I left with so many more phone numbers in my phone.O yea my phone..I got my phone case changed..it looks hott as hell...It's red on the bottem and it fads up into clear..I love it!

Back to the party..I wasent suppse to come home...But at the last minute i came home...I hope it happens again next year.Everyone was drunk and had a good time..and thats kinda wht we were hoping for.Even holli had fun!!!!! YAY!!!!! It's about time.iight well i just wanted to tell everyone again how fun our party was!!!!...XoXoXo

6:10pm: Party!
I had so much fun last night..Last night was our halloween party..There were so many ppl there..I love all the ppl that were there..Everyone had wondeful costums..Who ever is reading this shoulda went!!lol...I got so drunk..I was the crow..I looked awsome..IIght well im out xoxoxo

8:09pm: It's been so long.I don't even know where to start with whats been going on.Well first I had to get rid of my puppy.She was to crazy so my brother let her stay at his house for a couple dayz. Then she started to get crazy here and she started to eat his floor and shit so he called me and we came and got her.Mean while my mom said that someone called and complained about my sisters dog always being in the yard.And someone said that they seen my dog at my sistes which is inpossable becuz i took her with me where ever i went.ANYWAY we came to get her from my brothers and my mom told me we had to give her to someone to hold.So i was really upset. Cuz i knew if i let someone hold my puppy they will fall inlove with her like i did.Feel me?And since i got rid of my dog my sisters dog was gonna go to the SPCA.So we took my dog to my moms friends cousins house.I never cried so hard in my life.I couldnt breath.They took the only real thing i had anyway from me.The dude told me i can come see her when ever i want but i wont be able to cuz ill wonna steal her.I was thinkin about hetting her back when we move back into our own place but i thinks it's better for her.Dont get me wrong i took care of my dog.She was spoild.I never thought a dog could be spoild but she was.So anyway i got rid of my dog and my sisters dog in still in the yard 24/7.Tell me that aint some shit?Im soo pissed.But im kinda gettin over it.I know ppl think im crazy becuz i talk bout my dog like that but shes my baby.And still is.Other than that we cant wait to move out of jessies.I love her and my nephews to death and all but its to hectic there.Theres always ppl running in and out and there always fighting.It's real loud.It sucks!So thats wht my life comes down to.I'm out.XoXoXo

11:45am: Stressed!
I been real busy..Saterday was gregs surprise party...He was surprised...lol...i had soo much fun..i was drunk as hell..We movied this weekend..We put my school puter at my brothers hose so i come here everyday..I think its alot better then it being there...I been going threw so much shit..I have a problem with helping ppl b4 i help my self and thats not rite..I always been that way..I really dont wonna be at my sisters..It's i dunno.Well anyway..I meet alot of new ppl at holli's the other night..Were gonna be having a birthday party for me gina nd holli all in 1.I'm gonna 18 Gina's gonna be 20 and holli's gonna be 22...it's gonna be fun.iight well imma write more tomorrow...xoxo

3:43am: The last couple dayz have been interesting...first of all on momday me,gina,holli, and micki are driving around and holli sees this cute guy in a lil ass car drivin down delaware ave...soo she keeps lookin at him...Gina starts talkin to him.We drive away nd holli looks over at him and his ass was out the window...Shit was funny as hell...Holli screamed like she never seen an ass b4 hahaha it was so funny.

Tuesday-HAPPY BIRTHDAY GREG!!!!!!-I didnt do anything during the day on tuesday...My neighbor across da st did 3 headers in less than a half hour...I called 911 the 3rd time becuz he wasent moving at all..So ambulance came and he locked himself in his house...They they didnt take him to the hospital...Later on that night me gina and micki went down south st to meet up with anthony nd chris...we chilled down there for a lil bit ...walked around..Gina and Chris jumped into the fountian..That was funny.

Wedensday-Today was chillin...I was chillin wit jen for a lil bit..Then greg and gina came over but greg had to leave becuz hes sick....nd tuesday was his birthday.Anyway holli came over and me her micki and gina went to Franklin mills to getta car wash...Micki was really tired so on the way home she feel asleep..We wanted to do something to really scare her....So holli and Gina screamed like we were getting into a car crash...I know it don't sound funny but if you were there you would be dieing...She jumped up sooooo fast..She was looking around like something happen...OMG i think it was funnier then the dude puttin his ass out the window...iight well im out...xoxoxo

4:49pm: Life Blowzzz
wad up....were still in the process of moving...(hectic)..i went to the movies last night and seen corpes bride....but b4 that me my mom nd dad went out to dinner to I-hop...wht a mess that was...first of all we were there for like an hour b4 we got our food..and ppl who came in after us got there food b4 us...i wasent bitchin but my mom nd dad were..and second of all when my mom got her food the waitress spilled it all over her...my mom said nooo whiped cream but they gave her extra..so when she went to put the plate down is splatterd all over the table my dad...shit was crazy..nd my dadz order was messed up too..so they made my mom more food...nd got my dad more food...life sucks rite?anyway...i still got get my cloths and shit together..iight im out...xoxo

1:34am: -Bernie-
Yo waassssuuupppp? I'm bored as hell.I went to my sisters today and cleaned a lil bit...i have no couches in my house...But guess what?We get to stay another couple dayz..(my mom made up some bullshit story).So i guess thats good..Ummmm i didnt really do anything fun or exciting...Um? i learned some spanish today in school...I realized i dont care anymore...I dont care about who ever dont care about me..I been thinkin alot bout some crazy ass shit..Like i kinda wont my life to go back a couple years ...so i can have fun like i use to! (FRANKFORD)!But it's cool..iight well im out for now...xoxoxo

4:12pm: I started to pack today.The only thing I'm really taken is my pictures and my cloths,and of corse some little stuff.we took just about everything over my sisters house,except for the couches and the computers.Everything else we don't take is staying here.But anyway my weekend wasent really to good.I was thinking about moving the whole weekend and everything was all hectic wit ppl moving stuff.I guess it will be ok once we get in and get settled.anyway..I'm just gonna chill for today and finish everything tomorrow..Tonight is our last night sleeping here.. :( ....O yea im getting a thingy for my phone with a bunch of lights...lol.I'm happy-



I went to my sisters lastnight and started to help her with the toys.We threw away some of the toys the boys dont play with to make room for our stuff.I was gonna dye my hair but we went food shopping and forgot bout it.I'll do it, i mean ill be there for 6 months.iight well im out.xoxox-

7:26pm: 1 week
I havent writtin alot of stuff becuz theres alot going on.Number 1,Istarted homeschool! I love it!.Number 2 we only have a week untill we have to move.My sister is leaving me she's going to my grandpop's house.But i know i will still see her alot.It just wont be the same becuz we been together in the same house my whole life.Well i guess shit happens huh.Holly is having a Halloween party the 28th of october i can't wait it will be so much fun.I still have to pack and get my shit together but im tryna push it off becuz i really dont wonna leave.I mean i love my sister to death but i cant live with her,her apartment is toooo small and i just wont be able to do it so imma be out as much as possable.I dont know where but we will see wont we.Now that i knoe none of my friends are going anywhere.Believe me i talked to all of them about it.Iight well i'm out.xoxoxoxoxo

11:15pm: wwwaaaassssuuuppppp?? I'm so chillin right now i was drunk as shit lastnight and i'm just chillin now i drank a lil but but not as much as lastnight.But my life still sucks..last night i chilled wit micki holly and gina and then greg and his friend came over ..and tonight it was me gina sammie and greg...sammie left cuz i ripped her shirt...but it's all good cuz she put dirt on mine...lol iight well imma go cuz i gotta pee so bad...xoxoxoxoxo